:::Taps Mic::: Is Anyone Still Here?

 My poor poor blog...

It's gotten harder and harder to sit down and write since starting Internal Medicine. I am at the hospital from 6:30AM-4PM 6 days a week with call until anywhere between 6 and 9PM on every fourth day. As soon as I get out the hospital, all I have time for is picking Natey up, dinner, making lunches for the next day, a shower, and then bed so I'm not tired the next day. I'm on Medicine for another month after this one and then I start my surgery block.

Today is my one day off this week, and I am up at 6:30AM with nowhere to go, so I guess it is time to blog :-) Instead of this being a post of me complaining venting about what is going on, I decided to take just give a quick summary of life right now... Just a warning, it probably will still come off as complaining lol...

I. AM. EXHAUSTED. Like I said, I am on Medicine right now. I am at the VA and our patient population is primarily older (60+ years old) men. Everyone is so nice at the VA, but I am realizing that I really miss inpatient medicine in pediatrics and I miss having women as patients... I guess the good thing is my next Medicine month is at the county hospital so I will probably have more variety patient-wise (no kids but probably a wider age spectrum and more women too). I am also really looking forward to my OB rotation in April. I have a good feeling about it :-)

At home I am struggling. This is the dark side about being a mom in medical school. I am feeling like school has taken over everything and I don't get to spend a fraction of the time I would want at home with my kid. I leave when he is sleeping in the morning and I get home two hours before he is in bed (if I am not on call). I am feeling really inadequate in the mommy AND wife department which is leaving me with a funky attitude when I step into the hospital to take care of other people when I need to be taking care of home... :sigh:

I feel really disconnected spiritually too. I haven't been to church in months and I am feeling super guilty about it. I know church isn't the only way to get close to God, but I am having a really hard time reading my Bible and devotionals consistently even when they are emailed to me...

I constantly feel like I am 10 steps behind where I need to be. I make lists for days to keep my time at home/the grocery store/etc focused. On a high note, I managed to get same day last minute appointments for my hair and brows this week and we are taking some Christmas card pictures today - although they may be Holiday Season cards depending on how soon I can get them in the mail. You don't appreciate normal business hours until you aren't able to get anything done during them...but "this, too shall pass." Right?

In other news, I am really excited about Christmas! I get 10 days off starting on the 21st (AFTER call -___-)  and I cannot wait to catch up around the house and visit with family and friends!

Hope you all are well! If you have any tips for relieving stress (preferably things that can be done in the car) or prayers for stress please send them my way!