Two-Year-Olds are a Joy, Right?

Little Nate and I are going through a rough phase right now - lots of tantrums, crying, and telling me what he doesn't want... Interestingly enough, he doesn't act this way with his dad - it's amazing how far a little extra bass in his voice can go....Well, anyways, I was sharing with the Hubs the dramatic escapades of today's morning events before dropping him off at daycare, and (very understandingly) he told me that one day we are going to wish he was still this age and doing these things :sigh:...I guess he's right, but Jesus take the wheel...

So today, I'm gonna be positive, and think about my little one with regards to all the wonderful gifts motherhood has given me - beyond the terrible twos and its accompanying tantrums.

Here are two of my favorite mommy poems I've been holding on to. Both of them I stumbled across a long time ago (like during my pregnancy) on other people's pages, but was never able to find the authors. Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Before you were conceived I wanted you,
Before you were born I loved you,
Before you were an hour old I would die for you,
This is the miracle of life." ~ Unknown



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BEFORE I WAS A MOM
Author ~ Unknown

Before I was a Mom;
I made and ate hot meals,
I had unstained clothing,
I brushed my hair every day,
I had quiet conversations on the phone,
I slept as late as I wanted and I slept all night long.




Before I was a Mom;
I cleaned my house each day,
I never tripped over toys or forgot lullabies,
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous,
I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on, chewed on, peed on, or
pinched by tiny fingers.

Before I was a Mom;
I never thought about immunizations,
I never held a screaming child so the doctors could give shots,
I never looked into teary eyes and cried,
I never felt my heart break into pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt,
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.



Before I was a Mom;
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down,
I never sat up late hours of the night watching a baby sleep,
I never got up in the middle of the night to make sure everything was okay,
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.



Before I was a Mom;
I had complete control of my mind, my thoughts and my body,
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside of my body,
I didn't know that having something so small could make me feel so
important,
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,
the wonderment, or the satisfaction of being a mom.



Before I was a Mom;
I never knew that something so small could effect my life so much,
I never knew that I could love someone so much,
I never knew I would love being a Mom,
I didn't know the bond between a Mother and her child,
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

Romans 8:28

I have always confessed Philipians 4:13 because of my mother. On the way to school she would have us say affirmations about how we were "leaders and not followers", "the head and not the tail", "more than conquerers", and that we "could do all things, through Christ, who strengthened us". But today I also confess Romans 8:28 which says:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose.

I think that I am definitely living that one.

Pastor Ramsey said a few Sundays ago that people will try and judge you and where you are today, or say that you don't understand their struggle - when, in fact, they do not know your whole story and how God made a way. He said that this person was "walking in on the movie while the credits were rolling...." LOL! I don't feel like anyone is judging me or anything, but I do feel like I brought my readers in during the middle of the movie, so this is an attempt to catch everyone up :-)


I have so many things to be thankful for, but I never want to forget how far God has brought me because it makes me appreciate the present so much more. This blog is intended to help those who find themselves in less-than-ideal circumstances, and show them that if you trust in God, He will make something BEAUTIFUL even out of the messiness that we create in our own lives, so I wanted to share my testimony with the hopes that one day it could help someone else.
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June 2008. It was the summer before my senior year of college at the University of Michigan and I was 20 years old. I was also late. My period had never been late, and I had consistently taken my birth control (for cramps, of course) for four years. So what was wrong? My “boyfriend” at the time was one of my most serious relationships, but by no means were we stable. I decided to buy a pregnancy test – not because I thought I was pregnant, but so I could narrow things down to a more probable diagnosis. I called my partner, Nate, and told him that I would take it and get it over with because I wasn’t pregnant, so it was no big deal.

60 seconds later, my legs gave out beneath me when my eyes saw a very positive reading. I cried in disbelief on the floor. This could not happen to me. I was the medical school bound, over-achieving, God-fearing, and constantly planning daughter of Dr. & Mrs. Ransone. When Nate got home, we really did not know what to say or do. When we tried to talk about it, the conversation was short and ended with me saying, “I cannot be a doctor and have a baby. I can’t.” The next day I made an appointment for us to go to Planned Parenthood to talk about my options.

I could tell Nate wanted the baby from day one. Although he had just graduated from college, he was willing to change his plans. I was not. I was always taught “Career. Marriage. Baby,” in that order. I had neither career nor marriage. I didn’t even have a degree and barely a boyfriend. My mom and I were very close, so I told her right away about the pregnancy, but our relationship took a dramatic turn. I really had nowhere to turn. So I prayed. I had been going and going along in life convincing myself that God was always there, but never calling on Him and never truly reaching my potential. Now that I had been knocked on my feet, I wished I had been talking to Him all along.

Planned Parenthood didn’t really help. They gave me a lot of information on abortion services, somewhat counseled me on what having the baby would mean for my life, and said very little I remember about adoption. I still did not know what to do. I just kept thinking about how convinced I was that I could not have a baby and go to medical school, but how devastated I would be if I didn’t have this baby, and then got to medical school and saw a woman living the very thing I thought was impossible.

I had a number of leadership positions on campus, and now that I was pregnant, my shame convinced me that I would no longer be able to serve in a visible capacity – because a pregnant peer advisor, vice president, or organization member would not be a good image. I met with my boss and tearfully told her the news. And that very moment is when God stepped in. She told me that my decision to resign would be totally up to me. That they did not want to see me go, and I would not be their first peer advisor with a child. In fact, a few years ago one of their peer advisors had a baby as a sophomore, and she was now going into her third year of medical school. I arranged to have breakfast with that same girl that week and that is when I knew I could do it! I still get tearful thinking about it now. Within weeks of making a decision to keep my baby, God aligned me with someone who was living the life I deemed impossible, and succeeding! With God, ALL things are possible.

The other campus organizations I was involved in received the news with the same compassion and love as my job. Throughout my pregnancy, my friends were my angels by keeping my spirits lifted, being there to listen, and helping with anything that I needed. I did not tell anyone else about my pregnancy that wasn’t close to me for about the first five months.

Nate proposed that September, and the rest of the semester I was focused on doing well in school and getting into medical school. My pregnancy was what most doctors would call “textbook” free of complications and my senior year grades ended up being one of my best years academically in college. On January 28th I was induced – because I had two medical school interviews lined up for February – and on January 29th I gave birth to Nathan after pushing for 5 minutes. This is another testament to the greatness of my God. After the baby came, I moved in with my fiancé (40 minutes from campus), went to my two interviews, and was back in school after four weeks. I wasn’t sure how it was going to work out, but I did not want this to stop me from graduating on time. Once again, the favor of God was on me because my professors were all willing to allow me to do work from home while on maternity leave. When I got back to school, I wasn’t behind, and it was as if I never left.

In May 2009 I graduated. Although I had received 14 rejections and was placed on one waitlist for medical school, I was still further than anyone thought I would go a year before. May was a hard month because after the excitement died down from graduation, I realized that my contingency plan if I didn’t get into medical school did not exist. In their rejection letter, Indiana University recommended me for a graduate program to prepare me for medical school the next year that started two weeks after the date on the letter. Although rushed, I packed up the baby and we moved to Indianapolis – my fiancé was unable to leave his job and had to stay in Michigan.

That school year, I realized that I had not been ready for medical school. If I had been accepted that year, I would not have been able to properly adjust to the workload because I had no idea how much work medical school really was going to be. Someone said, “Rejection is God’s protection.” God was definitely protecting me from something I was not yet ready for. As time went on, I grew in my faith in God and my confidence and I completed the school year alone with my son in Indianapolis not only more prepared for medical school, but also more prepared to be the woman I was born to be. In April of 2010, Nate and I got married. In May, I completed the year with two medical school acceptances. It is such an amazing feeling when you know that God is on your side, when you know that ALL situations can work out for good, all you have to do is trust and obey Him.

Last fall I entered Indiana University School of Medicine with a four-year full tuition scholarship. And now my first year is almost over, my grades have been VERY good, and I am balancing my family and school life better than I ever imagined I would be able to. I know that it was nothing but God and His constant mercy and favor that got me where I am today. I could not have done it myself and when I look back and wonder how I got through certain things, I know that God was my strength. I know I did nothing to deserve it, but I also know that if He can do it for me, He can do it for you. Please be encouraged and stand on the promises of our Father, because if you can take the first step in faith, He will do the rest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Because of my own experience, I really have a desire to help young women who may find themselves in a similar place that I was in that life-changing summer. The other day my mom ran into a girl I knew (much younger) that had recently had a baby. Since then, I have been thinking about her every day. This was the end of my devotional yesterday morning - it was talking about Simon's unexpected call to help Jesus carry His cross on the way to Calvary:

"Never discount your ability to impact your family [or friends] with the message of the cross.

The message can break generational curses. It can reconcile broken family relationships. The cross may serve as the bridge you need to close the chasm that has existed in your family for decades. The cross means many things to many people, but there is one word that sums up its message: transformation. Think about how the cross has transformed your life. I challenge you to share that story with someone you’ve never shared it with. In taking up your cross, don’t ever forget about his." (John C. Richards, Jr.)

So, this is my story, and as you can see, I have been transformed.

Couple Friends, Clinic, and ICM Quiz...

Last week ended well despite the minor health setback and I am finally coming to the realization that the school year is pretty much almost over and the task that lies between me and my summer vacation - block three of exams and finals immediately after.

This weekend was lots of fun because some of our good friends came down to Indy - another married couple - and we had a great time. I have had the chance to spend time with family and friends, and I think that it was just what I needed to get back on track with my studies. The Hubby's birthday weekend is approaching, and that will be my last hurrah before test season/hibernation - Let's get it!

Yesterday I spent some time volunteering at the IU-SOC. It's a free clinic that was started a few years ago by a group of IU medical students. It is one of the only free clinics in the city, and it is in a neighborhood that has a HUGE need. Butler University joined in and provides a pharmacy, the IU dental and law school comes in too to lend their student expertise. There are two MDs there too that see patients after the med students triage them. It was great to volunteer - a lot of the patients yesterday were returners - meaning this is their only contact with a healthcare provider. I helped with checking patients in, and many of them talked about how it was near impossible for them to get health insurance, prescriptions, and basic necessities...

Today was a lovely day. Heard a great Word today when I tuned in to Word of Faith's "Faith at Home" series, and I just have had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude all day. I really need to get my church attendance game up tho...although it's great that I can stream it, nothing compares to being there...

We have a quiz tomorrow in Intro to Clinical Medicine that focuses on the behavioral science portion of our education - developmental stages, Freud, cognitive testing, etc. A lot of it is coming back to me from my psychology classes at Michigan - the part of undergrad classes that I enjoyed the most :-)

Oh and the Hubby booked our anniversary weekend for May - I wanted to wait until after school is out since our anniversary falls in the middle of finals season as referenced above...But anyways, VERY VERY VERY excited!

Be Blessed and Goodnight!

Student as Patient...

Yesterday was supposed to be business as usual, but I woke up feeling horrible - nasal congestion, sore throat, coughing, runny nose, the works...

I had every intention of actually physically going to class, but I ended up dropping off the little one and heading to CVS for cold meds and vitamins. I stayed in bed all day - sleeping while I was waiting for the day's lectures to stream. This is when the nerd in me starts to wonder about what bacterial or viral infection has invaded my body. Our last microbiology exam introduced in GREAT detail the immense number of microorganisms that can induce coughing and yellow-green mucus...Lovely I know :-D (You also realize in medical school that you have a greater tolerance/maturity for talking about the "yuckier" things that the body does...well, most of the time...)

I have heard that medical students, doctors, and anyone else in the healthcare field make the worst patients because they prefer to "wait it out" or self-treat with home remedies opposed to medicine. I'm no different, but when I feel bad enough, I give in. By the end of the day, my dad called in an effective macrolide antibiotic called azithromycin (more microbiology info you probably don't care to read LOL); known to many as the "Z-pack", and today I feel soooo much better. Still congested, but well enough to get out of bed and enjoy the day....and class -_-

All Good Things Must Come to an End...

That expression is totally a downer and doesn't apply many times, but in the case of spring break, it is true...

I am starting to get really sad about going back to school, but I am thankful for this break and the time that I got to spend with family...This weekend definitely rounded out a great week...

Friday, the little one and I went to the bounce gym for some running around in the AM. He had a blast...and I soon noticed that although it is for children, there were many parents in the play areas "chaperoning" their toddlers...so I too went down some slides, crawled through some tunnels, and ran around...all in the name of good chaperoning/parenting skills, of course :-)



Saturday my parents and grandaddy came down to hang out with us. While the Hubby put together an awesome swingset for the little one, my dad barbecued and my mom and I did some decorating around the house.





Today has been very chill. The parentals left around noon, and our little family unit spent the rest of the day together. This has been one of the best breaks I have had in a long time. Now, well technically after I watch the movie I rented, I am just trying to hype myself up for class tomorrow - physiology at 9AM to be exact.... More than ever, I am ready to hit the books for this last month and a half of class before my three months of summer vacation!

Blessings!

Good Life...

I am so proud of myself for totally committing to spring break...LOL

Yesterday the little one and I slept in (a bit), and then we got him dressed and ready for school and me for my workout. Morning workouts are my favorite not only because of getting it out of the way, but also because I have the gym mostly to myself - which includes all the good machines :-D

Afterwards, I had an appointment with a bubble bath, and later with my neighborhood nail technician...

:pause for music video:


Finally, I made a lovely meal for my Nates (mini meatloaf) and then caught up on my Oprah. With dinner ready and myself well on my way to full rejuvenation, I picked up Pumpkin from school and we played until his Da came home - he wasl a little cranky from his sleep schedule being off from the weekend, but we still had some good times :-)


Today has been a rainy day and a little more chill...morning workout, did some administrative things to try and get my summer plans in order, and then I went to my first yoga class!! It was GREAT! I've still been having back pain off and on, and I walked out of there feeling good, feeling great :-D

I need to get started on the house today too. Stay tuned!

Three Cheers for Spring Break!

After a long, long week, the exam block is over and spring is finally here. I am so relieved and ready to start my week-long rest. I was telling the Hubby that even though I did a lot of crying and complaining this week about school, I have so much to be thankful for...In particular, we are all praying for the people of Japan. The Red Cross is constantly taking donations for Japan and other victims of natural disasters. At times we feel helpless being so far away, but click here if you would like to join their efforts through donation.

On Friday, we went to Detroit for Nate's family's annual Saint Patrick's Day party. Everyone gets in their Kelly green and chows down on corned beef - Nate's Uncle's recipe is delicious - and cabbage (Nate's first party appearance pictured).

And Yesterday, we went to visit with my Grammy and later that night, we went out with Nate's older sibs. It sucks because we have so many people in Detroit we want to see, but there is never enough time. But it was nice to catch up with some of the family we hadn't seen since New Year's. Although Indy is only 5 hours from Detroit, it still seems so far sometimes - especially as grandparents get older and we want them to see the little one. Now that we are in our new place, I want to host some family parties myself, so we can get visitors down to Indy a lot more...

I always have ambitious plans for my breaks, and this one isn't any different.

My tentative things to do list:
1. Rest
2. Potty train pumpkin
3. Finish unpacking and decorating (as best I can on a budget)
4. Finalize my plans for the summer
5, Catch up with some girlfriends in Indy
6. Cook an exotic dinner every night (LOL)

Now I just need some time with HGTV and a plan of attack...

Be Blessed!

Diagnosis: Burnout

The medical student population is filled with people who would be considered the overachieving prototype. The simple fact that one is in medical school means that in order to get there, at some point they took more classes beyond what was require by their major, may have participated in some type of research (some even published), shadowed doctors during their own school vacations, and/or volunteered for hundreds of hours in their community or abroad...

Yes, on paper it all sounds amazing, but how does it translate once you have matriculated into medical school and you are in the middle of an exam block? It usually means:
- Spending 12-18 hours at school everyday for a week straight.
- Letting your home remain in shambles because you don't have time to waste cleaning it up
- Eating junk food everyday (fast food sometimes multiple times a day, because vending machines and only the 24hr fast food places are open during the lonely hours you stay up studying).
- Not working out (or doing whatever you usually do to relieve stress) because there isn't enough time - I've tried reading or running through flash cards while on the elliptical...just makes you motion sick
- Not going to sleep hoping to soak in as much knowledge as you can during every waking moment, then when you finally stop to sleep, dreaming of yourself running same information in your head...

Then when the exams are finally over, you are one high-strung and sleep-deprived blob.

The relief that I feel after taking a block of exams equates to how I felt at the end of the semester when I finished final exams in undergrad at Michigan. But in medical school it's not finals, and you have to do that again 3 or 4 times before the semester is over.

EX-HAUS-TING...

And right now I feel like I am going through a dry spell. I am just plain burnt out. In fact, as I was writing this post, my dentist's office called to see if I knew I had an appointment at 2:50 today. It's 3:00. And not only did I write this appointment down in my iCal, planner, and tell the hubby about it last night, I mentioned it to my mom this morning on my way to class :sigh:

"Burnout (n.): a state of mental, physical and emotional exhaustion — the experience of long-term exhaustion and diminished interest"

Yep...that's it. I feel like my intensity is lacking. Yes, I attend class, but I don't pay attention. Yes, I study, but it's not nearly as dedicated as I was last semester. Now, instead of coming home when everyone is already in bed, I usually just stay home all day. I look at my notes AND watch TV. I stop to play with my toddler...frequently. And I definitely don't stay up any later than I have to.



I called my mom to complain about this on the way to my exam this morning (this was before I told her about today's dentist appointment...), and before I could get a word out, she starts sharing about how T.D. Jakes was "on-point" today. She says that he said our faith is growing even WHILE we are going through something hard and challenging just by the sheer fact that we choose to keep going. That God allows us to go through rough times in life so that we can appreciate when He brings us out of the storm and into our destiny. Well, there's no denying that that Word was meant for this girl...

I have loooong way to go before I'm done with school + residency, but I know I am walking in my destiny, so I need to get my act together. More on this later...

Makeover!!!

I finally got my blog custom designed!!!

Monica Bucanelli is the talented illustrator behind my new "character".

Danielle Moss (formerly known as the Design Girl) put everything together for me. She is amazingly super talented, and is behind most of the blogs that I love to follow...

Check her out at: http://www.danielle-moss.com/

I feel so legit now...

What do you guys think?

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This is by far the highlight of my day, which has been filled with the seemingly endless memorization of pulmonary and GI system notes...

Ok, back to studying...

Working on My Fitness...

Welp, our bathroom scale informed me that it's time to get serious about my diet again :-/

Did you know that a region in the hypothalamus is what tells our bodies that we are hungry (via ghrelin) or satisfied (via leptin - wish I could get a safe dietary supplement of that somewhere lol)? I currently feel like my hunger center is on overload. I absolutely love to eat, so as a result, I cannot stand dieting. Like even the though of it makes me irritable and hungry...School makes things no easier. The stress in general makes you want to eat. Plus, staying up late means that inevitably you will get that "fourth meal" hunger pang. And, unless I want to tote around Lean Cuisines for lunch, and late dinners everyday, plus an abundance of healthy, low-calorie snacks, I am left to the devices of a 24hr McDonalds next door, or the cafeteria with a delightful days such as: made-to-order pasta bar or taco salad, and HUGE & DELICIOUS chocolate chip cookies served daily...yum

Needless to say, my caloric intake much exceeds my expenditure... :sigh:

Over the past months I have moved further and further away from how I looked at our wedding (which is by far one of my best "weights")... I need to lose about 10lbs by May so that when we take a vacation (hoping Miami for the anniversary) or go to the beach, I am not sulking about all of the Girl Scout cookies I inhaled during the winter...

I recently purchased 5 yoga sessions at a place in Indy, and I am going to start my gym membership this week. Spring break will be a great time for me to get the ball rolling...I know I can do this because I did it before. I just need a strong dose of renewed will-power.

Other than eating constantly (LOL)...I think I have been doing a great job of making sure that I take some time out to take care of my own wellness, but I need to spend more time alone with God. The craziness of life has pulled me in so many directions, but I never should be too busy to build my relationship with Him. Spring break is about to be a week of refreshing for me I think. I need to polish/amend some behaviors ( :cough: portion control and snacking :cough:) and maybe start some new ones. I definitely need to start here.



Pumpkin slept in his big boy bed from 9PM until 4AM yesterday!!!

Running on "E"

First exam down. Two more to go, and then restful spring break bliss! All week I have felt like I am running on empty...Not having any rest last weekend is still having an effect on me :-/

We are so happy and thankful to be out of the old apartment. Every night we have sat down around the table together for dinner, and it is by far becoming my favorite part of the day. It's amazing how much you don't realize how much the little things like that can relax you at the end of a busy day... (I might have already mentioned this, if I have it's because I am A: exhausted and B: because I love it lol...)


The little one is going through a "phase". I would call it the infamous "Terrible Twos" but I am not going to speak that nonsense into existence. My mom thinks that he is just learning to use his voice, but I think it is a little more than that. Now, instead of the falling out tantrums (although, they still occur as well), he has decided to look us right in the eye and say "No! I don't want it!." The "it" he is referring to is usually with regards to when we tell him to stop doing something or that he has to do something. At first, I was excited to have him using his words but this got really old, fast.

On a cuter note, his favorite song right now is "Wheels on the Bus" we sing it on the way to school when he points out "big bus" - you don't realize how many you see in the morning until you have a toddler pointing them ALL out to you...lol And he is starting to recognize all of his own accomplishments by following them up with a "I did it!" - even if mom and dad end up helping him or doing most of the work (ex: when he watched his Da from the window finally get the Mustang up to our new garage he yelled: "I did it!"...LOL)

Busy, Busy Week

So last weekend was the big move!!!! Well, sort of. We only moved about a mile away from our old apartment, but we love our new home! It really is the perfect fit for us
:-)

Special shout out to the mother-in-law and sister-in-law for coming down from Michigan to keep our Pumpkin and helping us with the move. Also, special shout out to one of my classmates and neighbor for helping the Hubby move the big stuff. We definitely couldn't have done it without them. God is so good and we are so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends.

I have already done a lot of unpacking, but the bulk of my organizing will happen over spring break when I don't have to worry about school work. I am so ready for the warm weather to get here so Pumpkin can play outside in the yard and we can entertain guests!!!

In other news, I have a Physio quiz Thursday and the second exam block of the semester begins on Friday with Histology (then Physio on Tuesday and Micro on Friday). Because of the move I was unable to do anything related to school Friday through Sunday, which kind of stressed me out yesterday when I had to watch 6 lectures during the day. Since we don't have the internet yet at home, I decided to start my day at Starbucks which was a nice change of scenery (and expresso) and I ended it at the public library. Pumpkin was wired when he came home from school. I wasn't. And the Hubby fell asleep early because he is still getting over being sick and the fact that we pushed ourselves too hard this weekend with lack of sleep - I'm just going to ignore the tingle I feel building up in my throat :-/ no colds for me! But anyway, by 8PM I was beyond exhausted, but somehow I pressed through and was able to go to bed after making a respectable amount of headway in my histology studying...

Today, we are going to a retirement home to talk to men and women about the "older adult" stage of life. In this class (ICM) we discuss patient interactions and the various stages of life to better understand different perspectives. So far we have done visits to daycare, high school, and had a "middle aged" person talk to our group. We pretty much get to interview them about what life is like, their impressions on aging, what we should know about getting older, etc. This should be a little more interaction based than our trip to the daycare center where we watched kids play (I really wanted to do an "at-home" session and call it a day...lol).

I really like interacting with older people, and kids, and adults (at times) so I want to find a specialty that allows me to see everyone....

Below is a movie of Pumpkin and his cousin out having fun with his grandma and auntie while mommy and daddy were moving...They need to make one of these places for grown ups...